Goals

I used to be a driven person. Recently, however, I have noticed that I'm not. I think it's the reason I haven't felt happy lately. Not having goals or plans can trickle into all aspects of our lives. When I don't feel like I'm doing a good job in some aspects of my life, I tend to let everything slide. I stay up until 1 a.m. doing nothing. I fail to keep my finances in check, I eat poorly and I don't exercise.

It's a spiral. I don't exercise because I am up until 1 a.m. and therefore tired the next day. I eat junk because I am too tired to make food. I don't play as much with the kids and then feel awful about it. I slack at work.

So today, I'm going to pick three goals for the week. They aren't big, but I feel like accomplishing something will help me to accomplish even more.

Here are my goals for this week:

1. In bed by 11 every night.
2. No more than 20 minutes computer time in the evening.
3. Cook every dinner at home.

I'll let you know how it goes!

So tired!

I am so tired! And tired is one of the times I eat. Tired, along with angry, along with happy, along with sad. Those are the times I eat.

Milestone and realization

Last night I ran 30 minutes on the treadmill. I only went 2.25 miles, but I'm not focusing on that. I'm not focusing on how I used to be able to run 3 miles in 25 minutes without much trouble. I think focusing on those things, and what I used to be able to do is what keeps me from continuing an exercise plan. Instead, I am going to focus on the fact that last week I only did 1.45 miles. I am starting from my today's reality, and celebrating my successes now.

Wake Up

When people talk about distorted body image, usually it's that people think they are fatter than they are. I have the opposite problem. Every time I see a photo of myself, I am amazed — I definitely don't feel as fat as I look. I guess in some ways that is a good thing. I don't let my fatness dictate what I do, or how I behave in social situations for the most part.



But the denial also keeps me from fixing the problem. It is one thing to deny what you see in the mirror— it's a whole other issue when you see medical results on paper. Until recently, even technically 110 pounds overweight, I looked pretty good on paper. Good blood pressure, good cholesterol, good fitness level. There is a point, however, when even the toughest body starts breaking. It turns out, I am one step away from diabetes.

So now, I have to take the journey. I no longer have choices. Come along for the ride.